Did Glenn Beck rape and murder a young girl in 1990?

The question asked in the title, "Did Glenn Beck rape and murder a young girl in 1990?" seems to be on everyone's mind. Yes, even yours, now. I know that I certainly wonder if Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990. I mean, it would be horrible to find out that Glenn Beck actually raped and murdered a young girl in 1990. I hope Mr. Beck is able to clear his good name, but his reluctance to deny these allegations does make me wonder...

Our prayers are with you, Mr. Beck. I know you will come forward soon with ironclad, indisputable evidence that you did not rape and murder a young girl in 1990. Surely this atrocity never truly transpired, and as such this evidence will be easy for you to come by and present to your national audience. I find this burden of proof that all real Americans are placing upon you to be entirely fair and completely within the bounds of reason.